Breaking Free

We went on a hike through the trails at the base of the Sedona Red Rock formations down by the creek.

I could smell and feel freedom in the gentle breeze as the hot Arizona sun penetrated deep into my skin.
 

The birds sang in joyful delight.

I was so caught up in the moment of the beauty, that seeing the barbed wire fence beside me lining part of the trail took me by shocking surprise.

The once flowing feeling of freedom had now dampened into an odd, inner awkwardness.

I wasn’t sure if it was to keep something out or in.

But, certainly, it got my mind thinking. I pondered it…then dismissed the ideas until after the cleanse.

Cleansing obviously goes hand in hand with denial and working through the body’s innate need for survival as well as the desires and habits that have formed over many years.

For me, there were many times I had to do inner calisthenics  to make it past the hunger and all the emotions that go along with it.

So, coming to the end is a huge accomplishment.  There is almost an ecstasy of pride like making it to the top of a steep hill after struggling on a bike ride.

However, somewhere in the midst of physical denial and mental battle, there was a feeling of power of conquering the beasts that have ruled my mind for so much of my existence.

So, for me to give back in to food was now a new war to wage…control.

Having found freedom from Bulimia that had me bound for 10 years, starting at 15, I recognized the familiar feeling.

It was at this moment of realization that the image of the barbed wire fence flashed in my mind…

I remembered the feeling that I had for so many years…I was inside that fence, while I could look out and see everyone else walking freely and happily on their paths.  It was such a painful addiction, full of shame and guilt...

Thankfully, I found the tools and strength I needed to overcome that huge daily struggle that consumed my life.

Because I quickly understood the anatomy of this beast and how he would love to construct that fence around me again. I quickly shut the door before he could get any building supplies into my mind.

We all have our barbed wire fences.

Some of us may have been able to figure out a way to deconstruct them or crawl under them…leaving us wounded and emotionally bleeding.

Others may still be going through life as a spectator, trapped by your own personal beasts.

I want to encourage you to recognize the things that bind you… But know that there is always a way out.

Take one step toward a plan to get free…just one…call a friend, read a book, take time out to re-evaluate your life and how you want it to look…Write it down…even if it seems unattainable.

You are the master of the battle ground of your mind!
Only you can defeat your own beasts!

 

They are no match for you…but u must believe…


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